We get a lot of questions from our readers who love LiveScience’s Life’s Little Mysteries. Unfortunately, a few of those questions are beyond the purview of rational scientific investigation and ultimately, explanation. However, as a public service, I will attempt to answer, to the best of my ability, those questions that my limited life experience (and frantic use of Google) will allow:

Kreidler writes: “Can science engineer a seedless and coreless apple? The other part is, Will it taste good? Because a red delicious is anything but.”

There’s no accounting for taste, Kreidler, but I wholeheartedly agree with you. One bad apple might not spoil a whole bunch, but this mushy variety has a long way to go before it deserves the appelation “delicious”. To answer the first part of your question: Science can do anything: cloned meat, Beano, square watermelons. It’s all about finding a niche and sell, Sell, SELL! As soon as all of us who want seedless, coreless apples to appear in our local supermarkets join together in one great chorus, then we will see science come up with a solution.

Isis writes in wanting to know: “What was the best thing before sliced bread?”

Unleavened. Ingredients are easy to come by, it’s quick to make, travels well and is low in calories. I like mine with seedless, blackcurrent preserves. MMmmmmm.

Li’l Mexican asks: “Why do mosquitoes like to buzz in our ears?”

Because if they buzzed our eyes, we wouldn’t hear them. Duh.

Robert wants to know “Is there a way you can make ice cubes sink in water?”

Try holding them down with your foot until they stop struggling.

Bro writes: “What causes yawning?”

Al Gore, the National Review, most German operas, the last four Steven Spielberg movies, the last three Star Wars movies, People magazine’s relentless coverage of Britney Spears, Bruce Springsteen’s last album.

V asks: “Where do squirrels go at night in New York City. I see them out and about in the morning, but i don’t see them at night, I was just wondering.”

After a busy day of foraging, chasing tails, storing nuts for the winter and posing for tourists, it’s a little known fact that Manhattan’s squirrels loooooove to partay, wiling away their evenings downtown at such trendy clubs as Bungelow 8, Fresh! and club/party-thrower icon Susanne Bartsch’s moveable feast, Happy Valley. (Hipsters have been known to ride the “L” train to Williamsburg.)

LoverMan wants to know: “How does one mend a broken heart?”

Time. But time won’t give you time and time makes lovers feel like they’ve got something real. Patience. It’ll work itself out fine, all we need is just a little patience. Sugar, make it slow and you’ll come together fine. All you need is just a little patience. Once upon a time you were falling in love, but now you’re only falling apart. There’s nothing you can do. A total eclipse of the heart.

Brian asks: “Does subliminal messaging really work?”

Well, you sent a question, didn’t you? Bwah!HA!Ha! ha! You are forever under our control! Now, go!  Buy me donuts!

Jais wants to know “”Why do people fall in love?”

Well, geez. I dunno, you meet someone, and they like you, even though, like, you wish you were taller, or more handsome or more successful, and they, like have a way about them that, like, makes you comfortable so you start to hang out and go to dinner and see movies and then, like, BOOM! You’re picking china. Aaaaanyway, sometimes it doesn’t work out and nothing you EVER do is good enough and you realize that she is totally going to become her mother and … hmmm, see previous question above from LoverMan.

Loa wants to know: “Are we going to have a Sodom and Gomorrah again soon? If so, which cities might they be?”

Silly, they’re already here! San Francisco and Las Vegas, in that order.